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You are destroying your child's emotional intelligence with screens...

12th August 2024

It’s 6 PM, and you’ve just finished a long day at work. The traffic was a nightmare, and now you’re home trying to prepare dinner while your child is having a meltdown. 

You reach for your smartphone or switch on the TV to calm them down. It works—peace at last. But is it really the best solution?

A recent study warns that while handing your child a screen might seem like a quick fix, it could actually make it harder for them to learn how to manage their emotions. 

This research, published in JAMA Pediatrics, involved 422 parents and caregivers and found that children who were often given screens to soothe their tantrums had more difficulty regulating their emotions later on.

 The study is a wake-up call for parents, especially single working moms who juggle multiple responsibilities daily

Emotional Regulation and Why it Matters

Emotional regulation is a fancy term for a simple concept: it’s how we manage our feelings. For kids, this means learning how to handle frustration, anger, or sadness without throwing a tantrum. 

Dr. Jenny Radesky, a pediatrician and lead author of the study, explains that using screens as a distraction teaches kids to avoid dealing with their emotions instead of learning how to process them.

Think about it: if every time your child cries or throws a fit, they get a screen, they might start to believe that big emotional displays are the best way to get what they want. 

It’s like giving them a shortcut, but one that leads them away from important emotional lessons. 

This is particularly relevant for parents in African cities like Antananarivo or Johannesburg, where life can be hectic and managing multiple tasks is a daily challenge.

The Screen Trap: Long-Term Effects

Over time, the study suggests, this reliance on screens can lead to bigger emotional problems. Children who often use screens to escape difficult feelings might struggle with emotional outbursts as they grow older. 

This is especially concerning for parents in urban areas like Nairobi or Lagos, where the pressures of modern life often mean less time for face-to-face interactions.

The study highlighted that boys and children who already had trouble managing their emotions were particularly affected. 

For single working mothers, this can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when screens seem like the only way to keep everything under control.

What African Parents Can Do Instead

So, what’s the alternative? Dr. Radesky suggests using tantrums as teaching moments. Instead of reaching for the remote or smartphone, try helping your child understand and manage their emotions. 

This might seem easier said than done, especially for a busy mom in Lagos who’s just come home from a long commute, or a parent in Nairobi trying to manage work and household chores.

But it doesn’t have to be complicated. You can create a “calm corner” in your home—a small space with cushions or blankets where your child can go to cool down. 

The message here is simple: big emotions aren’t bad, but they need to be managed. In Johannesburg, for instance, where space might be limited in some homes, this could be a small mat in the living room or a cozy spot in the bedroom.

Making Emotions Tangible With Color

Children often find it difficult to express their feelings, especially in words. Here’s where a bit of creativity comes in. Dr. Radesky recommends using a color system to help kids identify their emotions. 

Green could represent calm, yellow might stand for worry, and red could symbolize anger. This method can be particularly effective in homes where children are learning multiple languages or in culturally diverse cities like Nairobi or Antananarivo.

Parents can also use this system to describe their own feelings. For example, if you’ve had a tough day at work, you might say, “Mommy is feeling a bit yellow today because there was a lot of traffic.” This not only helps your child understand emotions better but also models emotional regulation for them.

The Role of Media- A Double-Edged Sword

While the study doesn’t suggest banning screens entirely, it emphasizes being mindful about how and when they’re used. 

If you’re on a long bus ride home through the busy streets of Lagos, or you’re stuck in traffic in Nairobi, a bit of screen time can be a lifesaver. But choosing the right content is key.

Dr. Radesky recommends media that teaches emotional regulation, like shows where characters talk about their feelings or practice calming techniques. This way, even if your child is watching TV, they’re still learning something valuable.